5 months into motherhood.

Been blogging on Dayre instead of Blogger as it is really much easier to blog on the go! But nothing beats sitting down and typing on the laptop.

Am sick again, which explains why I have the time to sit down and type. Plus the little one is in the ifc (infant care) and my mom is gonna pick him later.

Sigh.

How has motherhood been? Definitely much better and as the saying goes "practice makes perfect!". I would like to think hubs and I have been good parents for the past 5 month plus (coming to 6 soon!). We know we have given our best in taking care of X and providing the best for him in terms of food, education, toys, clothes, etc.

Beginning to enjoy working as now I don't know what to do when I am at  home, not working and without a baby. I guess I could get used to more "me time". Been starting to hit the gym and utilizing the remaining of my membership. Trying to get my pre-preg body back and fit into my pre-preg clothes.

Having said that, life is still good and has been better with x. Sometimes we do talk about our second kid (I think we are crazy) but that's really for another time. Heh.

Foodie: Birthday celebrations!

Trying to get our lives back to "normal". Wait, what IS normal? Haha, we've been travelling out with little X and coping quite well I hope. (except the time when he was running a fever, more of that next time).

Gonna blog more about the happy stuff! Went to Burlamacco to celebrate Chin Leong's birthday & Q's belated birthday. Had a super funny cake!! The food was awesome and the company was great. Ahhhh, sessions like these. How I miss them. (and my beer).

Burlamacco Ristorante 
77 Amoy St, 069896
 6220 1763
http://burlamacco.com.sg/

Dropped by Butter Studio yesterday at the airport after dinner. Do try the chocolate tart! An auntie saw my mom carrying X without pants at the airport and commented "AIYO!!! Y u never wear pants for him?! So cold!!" Like seriously. Firstly, X is SUPER intolerant of the heat. He will fuss and cry if he's too hot. He even sweats in an aircon room. Secondly, he's not ur grandson or whoever lah so just shut up please. Seriously whats wrong with these strangers man!? Like duh ttm. Like we wanna expose our kid to the cold and let him freeze. 

Butter Studio 

Changi Airport, Terminal 3 65 

Changi Boulevard, Basement 2 North, #B2-13 Singapore 819663 

Tel: (65) 6543 9809

 Open daily from 9.30am - 11.00pm 

http://www.thebutterstudio.com/index.php

CHEESE!!!

Tribe, their speciality.

My favourite parma

Ravioli

The lobster linguine 

Squid ink risotto 

BEEF!

Funny cake right?!?!?!

Eating my hubby

SUPER nice chocolate tart!

Group Pic

I lost it.

Ytd, X gave us a super hard time.....

He was crying for no reason and only quietens down when he's placed on his tummy. I don't know. Colic? My patience for him was wearing thin and I told Q to come home to take over. At that moment, all I wanted was to SLEEP.

I took my meds and went to sleep, leaving the poor hubs to take care of the baby, except waking to feed him. I looked at the crying baby and asked him "What do you want?!?!?". But all I got was louder wails.

The next morning, I felt super guilty. He looked at me and smiled, happy after his feed. I hugged him and told myself not to lose it again. I must say I am very lucky to be still able to have him after some past sagas and I should appreciate God's gift to me.

The biggest lesson of motherhood is - unconditional love. This journey will test my patience, endurance and hopefully mould me to a better person.

Scooting off to feed my sleeping baby! Mommy loves you X!

Ending the post with his funny picture..... lol

40 days old mommy.

Why hello hello!

And so my confinement nanny left 2 weeks ago, which relieved much of my mental stress. It IS really hard to live with another person in the house for a period of time, which is why I'm glad that we're staying alone.

Been SUPER busy adjusting to taking care of X by myself. All the routines, the crying, nappy changing, shit cleaning, urine squirting, coaxing, carrying, puking. OMG.

Thanks to Em, I managed to muster my courage to step out of the house with the little fishball. It was alright, just need to run to the nursing room as and when. Less freedom, more work (Eg: pushing the pram, cannot stay out for too long, carrying the baby bag..)

And I took a step further by driving X (Alone) to Robertson for lunch with Stella. Haha... Crazy me.

And today, X decided to give me a hell of a hard time. Cried and cried for no reason and the only thing I can do to soothe him is to put him in a carrier (which is why I can free my hands for typing as he is lying on me).

I reckon he was overly tired and couldn't get to sleep as he was too engrossed looking at the lights at compass point. Haha...

Life of a mom. Seriously. I miss those days where I can just go wherever I like, wear nice clothes (damn it I NEED TO LOSE THE TUMMY!), drink alcohol, drink alcohol and drink alcohol whenever I like.

Damn, THINGS WE DO FOR OUR KIDS. But seeing him smiling at me is the biggest reward and it affirms that all I've done and sacrificed is worth it.

Oh btw, I cut his nails for the first time today! I promised him no mittens after the nailcut and he didn't really struggle. ;)

He had his first month celebration at my dad's place & another under our block. Seriously those people who have not met me when I was pregnant couldn't recognize me? (Got so kua zhang ma?)

"Wah!!! Lane ah! I cannot recognize you leh! Y u put on so much weight ah?" (NB Because I got pregnant and JUST had a baby a month ago.)

"Wah! Y u put on so much weight????" (Knnccb u go give birth see you put on weight anot)

"Wah! Lane ah! Why you so round?" ( _|_ )

"Wah! Lane ah! You give birth 1 already so fat, give birth 2 u die la!" (Ultimate loh....) Followed by "So when is the 2nd one?" (Ultimate faggot!)

Aei insensitive and unforgiving people, firstly, I put on ~20+kg during my pregnancy. I ate whatever I wanted because I wanted to be a happy mommy and let my baby be happy. And I was hungry la!

Secondly, LOOK AT ME. I was already big boned and big sized to start with. I had super water retention during my pregnancy and honestly IMO I have already lost the water weight (maybe 1/2 of it) as compared to being pregnant. They just have not seen me at my fattest PEAK.

Thirdly, YES LAH I WANNA LOSE THE WEIGHT ALSO LEH FAGGOTS. But I had c-section (aka an operation) , cannot massage my tummy and cannot exercise. So wtf do you want me to do? As if I enjoy being fat and having a tummy.

Fourthly, being a mama is a HUGE SACRIFICE to any woman. You get hormonal imbalance (I am suffering from postpartum hives), you lose your figure, those people that had natural birth even lose the elasticity of their vagina, you develop SUPER HIDEOUS stretch marks (I have them on my breasts, belly button, lower tummy, hips, thighs and back) and I'm sure the list goes on! So CUT THE NEW MAMA SOME SLACK! It has only been 1 month!

Gosh man I don't understand these people being SO INSENSITIVE.  and some are even women themselves (and not skinny to begin with also loh).

Enough of ranting. I'm dealing with these insecurities openly and trying to take it well. Not depressed but filtering what these people say. I might just laugh it off but it hurts and it makes me insecure. I will try my best to slim down but I know it will take time :(:(:(

Light at the end of a tunnel - for now.

4 more days to the end of my confinement! Superrrr happy!

Many have asked me "how is it like being a mom now?". I really must say. When Q and I first decided to try for a kid, I was telling myself "How hard can it be taking care of a baby and being a mom?". And I told myself - "just do it lah..."

Ahem, turned out to be the biggest decision in my life.

I would say, hearing from others about how horrible night feeds are, colicky babies, breastfeeding woes and other mommy woes, it is really different going through it yourself.

1) Someone means more than anything to me

When I heard the first cry of X, my tears fell uncontrollably. I wasn't sure if it was tears of relief or tears of joy. My first words were "Is he alright?" and followed by saying thank you to my gynae & the rest of the drs for delivering him safely.

At that moment, I knew my life has changed forever as I am now more concerned about another life as compared to my own. It's so weird isn't it, for you to want to sacrifice so much for someone you have never met.

When he was first carried to me for our first picture, I didn't really know what to do. "Am I carrying him correctly?" I asked my gynae. He was wailing when they carried him and once he was in my embrace, he stopped. Dr Wong said with the warmest smile: "He recognizes you!"

Tears started to flow again as I posed for the most unflattering shot in my entire life. Hahaha..

2) In conflict with myself & physical insecurities

During my confinement, I wanted SO MUCH me time. I wanted to lose weight, wanted to cut, dye and rebond my hair. Wanted to shape my brows and get a pedicure. Wanted to watch tv without disturbance and catch up on my sleep.

I was feeling VERY insecured about myself as I had put on weight ~ 20+kg mind you. My knees were giving way. Was having massive water retention, had breakouts on my face (like A LOT), had a tummy like I had a 2nd kid inside me that has not been pushed out, stretch marks on boobs, thighs, hips, tummy, etc....

It was alot to take. I was concerned if I was still attractive to the man I love. Even tho he says that I'm still pretty, but I know that my body has changed so much to accommodate the little life inside of me. (To the hubbies out there, support is VERY important to your wives at this period of time!!!)

Next, I sort of dreaded hearing him cry. Should I get up from the bed and check on him? The nanny would have been checking on him. But I just dragged myself outta bed and check on him. When I go out, I feel guilty leaving him at home with the nanny. I feel that there's so much more that I can do as a mother for him. Even as I blog I'm feeling the guilt on leaving him alone in the bouncer with the nanny. I told Q about it and initially I cried because I was feeling SO conflicted with myself.

I hated that I had such thoughts about my own son.

He reassured me that I needed my me time and it's normal to feel this way. I guess so? I guess it would be better as time goes by, I am also learning the ropes and hopefully I can bring him out in future so I can strike a balance between both.

3) He cry, I cry

Many times when he is crying, I have to keep reminding myself that he is crying because that is the only way to communicate with us. I swear there were moments when I felt like crying when he's crying. I guess it's the hormones creeping in - AGAIN.


Well, there are so much more that I wish I could pen down but that's for another time.

feeling bluey.

I've been crying everyday for the past 3-4 days. Been feeling irritated by the confinement lady (CL), my own supply of milk and lack of sleep.

Having a baby is no easy feat. As much as I would like to rest, hearing my baby cry sorta jolts me up from my sleep. Worst still, paranoid me has been hearing my baby cry but only to find him sleeping like a pig. (Woes of a paranoid mother).

Was very upset when my milk supply went down. I think I was overly concerned about the CL's hygiene and overly upset myself. Worst still, she wasn't very helpful with her comments about my milk supply. Broke down, cried and cried like someone has just broken up with me.

However, with some good solid 3-4 hr sleep, my supply went back to normal. I guess I'm just not producing enough milk for my son with the monstrous appetite. After all as Q said, he's a premmie and has some catching up to do.

The pregnancy app is still sending me notifications that "Your baby is 37 weeks today!". Haha, hello application, you're outdated. He's already 21 days old! :)

I know I know, this blog is not gonna be ALL about my fishball. (After all it's named littlekicksnbutterflies).

I hope I still can squeeze in some drinking sessions and date session posts in future :)

Really can't wait for confinement/punishment to end and to get some breather outside. At least it keeps me sane. 

here's some pics of our boy. fishball enough?

Feeling the need to blog.

Was reading my old blog and felt really funny. Din know I had so many drinking sessions. HAHA..

Oh yes did I mention that baby X came early? He decided to surprise us on 3 Oct when my water bag started to leak. Both of us were like "uh, should we be heading to the hospital huh?". Seriously.

Was admitted for 2 days for them to inject medicine into me to mature the baby's lungs. Yes, he is 1 month pre-mature. My EDD was 8 Nov 13. On the 5th, Dr Adelina Wong induced me at 12am. It was HORRIBLE. The stupid observation room was super cold and people were screaming beside you and what not. The bed was uncomfy and poor hubs had to sleep on a chair. I was NOT dilated after 16 hours. Damn it. (Maybe like 1.5cm?).

Was running a fever and X's heartrate started to rise and I ate lunch so it posed as a risk if I were to do a c-sect. Honestly, I was freaking worried that I might lose the baby, or rather he might have some brain damage as my waters have been leaking for 2 days already. I asked for a c sect to get the baby out as I didnt want to risk it.

I know right - what was I thinking asking for myself to be put under the knife. God.

I guess this is what they call motherly instinct? It's weird and unexplainable all the pain I've gone thru for this little fishball.

At 3.50pm, he was delivered via c-section. As for me, I was pretty drugged up and drained due to the amount of drugs in me (Antibiotics, epidural, laughing gas, etc etc you name it).

Now, all is well and little X is getting chubbier each day :)

Thank god for all these.

Now I'm doing my confinement and can't wait for it to END.